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You are here: Home / Archives for self kindness

self kindness

What to do after a binge

2020-06-18 by laura

Health coach confession time: I am in recovery from an eating disorder. Recovery doesn’t mean that slips don’t happen. Recovery means slips don’t become slides. Recovery – to me – means abundant self-kindness, body positivity, and getting back to my baseline habits that help me feel better.Photo of binge by fridge by Corie Howell

There are quite a few sources out there that discuss things one can do to resume self-care with healthy eating after a binge. My tips aren’t anything radical or new. What follows is simply what works for me and perhaps a general reminder of what you already know for yourself.

If you are in active disordered eating behavior please seek professional help. You deserve to feel good and this illness requires medical and psychological expertise. Meanwhile, you might do these things to begin feeling better immediately.

In the moment

Take a pause. Take a breath. Use this time to sit at your table and totally enjoy whatever it is that you’re eating. Follow the basics: chew and taste. Thank yourself for using food to manage the difficulty that led you to eating it.

Whaaat? Yup. There are benefits to your eating behavior! You get something out of it – relief! However temporary that relief may be. This is the tool you know. This is the tool that works. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you for making this choice. No guilt. No shame.

IMHO binges are a form of self-care although they’re not great long-term or done often. Right now the benefit of relief outweighs all the cons.

If you want to stop yourself, perhaps use physical rewards that are also pleasurable like food. I like to smell sandalwood and remember how much my grandfather loved that scent and happy times at his house. Lavender works for me too.  Ditto ginger and peppermint.

Immediately after

Take care of your body. Drink water and stay hydrated. Have an over the counter medication to help with any gastrointestinal discomfort. Or use that ginger and peppermint in tea or lozenge form – both are helpful for nausea. Fennel tea is great for gas and has a lovely licorice taste.  Have a warm soothing bath or self-massage with an aromatic oil.

If you can, try to consider the things that led to the binge.  What happened? Who were you interacting with? What were your emotions? What was the physical sensation of those emotions in your body? There is a chain of events that got you into the kitchen. Recognizing context and feelings can help you break the chain another time. Do not worry if you had no bodily sensation or can’t name the emotions. This is really difficult stuff, especially if you have past trauma or co-morbid conditions. This is one reason why working with pros is helpful.

Next day and beyond

Notice any lingering effects. For example, my body is impacted when I over do sugar. I have a hard time getting out of bed next morning. I am super groggy and the feeling lasts almost an hour. Sugar will also will give me an anxiety attack within 24-48 hours of consumption. It took me decades to match this type of anxiety with food since the impact is not immediate. And, if I consume too much sugar over a period of days, my joints and tendons will begin to ache worse than usual. Now that I know I get side effects, I can sometimes break the chain of events leading to the binge by weighing the consequences. Do I want to feel better now if it means I’ll feel even worse later?

You may feel like compensating with some sort of rigid rule or restriction. Compensate with your regular routine. Restricting food the next day doesn’t erase the past and is the beginning of the next disordered cycle. Exercising more won’t burn the amount of calories you ate unless you exercise for a looooong time. Doing your daily routine is a compensation. Congratulate yourself for doing a little bit every day.

Treat yourself with healthy food that you love. I love scrambled eggs and spinach for breakfast. I’ll treat myself by adding some feta. I might go out and get a little fresh salmon for dinner – I usually don’t get it due to cost. But, that money is less than what I will pay in health care later on down the line. And, I tell myself if I’m using food as love that I am totally worth the expense.

Eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re comfortably full.

Use those CBT phrases. Your brain may be looping on beating itself up for binging. Let it. But, respond to it. Are those thoughts true? Phrases that work for me, “that happened but I can’t change the past. I am changing right now.” “That tasted really good yesterday and I can have more of x at some future point.” “I deserve excellent nutrition.”

Create a non-food rewards/comfort list. You might be able to use those tools instead of a binge in the future. If you have a list already, review it.

Create a “reasons why” you want to eat nutritious food. For me? Managing my risk of cardiovascular disease, avoiding anxiety, avoiding inflammation that increases my pain levels. Write them a small card you can carry around with you. Refer to it often, even when you’re not in the binge cycle.

Most of all remind yourself that you deserve love just for being you. Binging is not “bad.” It’s simply that other ways of coping work better long term. Taking the time and energy to practice self-care post-binge might help and certainly won’t hurt.

 

Filed Under: Wellness Tagged With: binge, cognitive behavioral therapy, confessions from a health coach, daily practice, eating disorders, food, habits, health, nutrition, routines, self care, self kindness, self love, tips, wellness

Confessions from a health coach

2020-06-04 by laura

Progress not perfection by Mike RohdeI’m starting a series of true confessions to lead from the heart with my authentic self. I value transparency and honesty in coaching. Thus, I tend to be a sharer about my eating, and exercise, and stress management.

I consider myself to be a partner with my clients who helps you get where you want to go with body positivity. Just because I am a coach doesn’t mean that I never struggle with food or exercise. There are some health coaches and fitness trainers who go all out on being “perfect” to set a good example and provide a visual aspiration of a “healthy” body.

How does this help clients achieve reasonable and sustainable results? Sure, you may be a kick-ass coach with your clients and they are getting excellent results. Do you know if your clients are putting you on a pedestal and experiencing negative emotions by making comparisons?

Eating disorders are totally a thing in the wellness business. Orthorexia – the quest for and obsession with eating only foods deemed healthy – is something to be aware of when one is on a health promoting path towards consistent self-care anywhere.  I give advice and tips, when requested, based on my success losing weight and maintaining my healthy-for-me size, my long journey to being a regular exerciser, and managing chronic pain and bipolar disorder.

I also coach based on my knowledge and training. Success is individual. My mission is helping you reach your goals in your unique way.

I think understanding that it’s not always easy to practice healthy habits is critical to avoid self-blaming/shaming and love yourself for doing the best you can.

I share to show that I am in solidarity with everybody else. It isn’t always be easy to tell the world when I struggle. I believe I can help you better when you know I’m like you and I have made progress. Our struggles are why we call it practice not perfection.

Filed Under: Wellness Tagged With: coaching, confessions from a health coach, daily practice, habits, self care, self kindness, self love, updates, wellness

Love the one you’re with

2020-06-02 by laura

“If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.” ~ Crosby Stills Nash and Young.

heart iconWherever you go there you are. It’s a stupid saying. Sometimes I’d like to get away from myself because I’m not always easy to live with.

I think mindset is closely associated with that desire to get away from yourself. You would probably want to be you if you liked yourself better. Sure, there’s plenty of other reasons to not want to be present with yourself and/or your current situation. When you don’t like yourself, however, everything else doesn’t matter.

There are some things you can do to like yourself right here, right now.

CBT baby. I always preach cognitive behavioral therapy techniques because they work! What did your inner voice say to you right before you felt the need to disown yourself? You can do challenging, re-framing, etc. when you’re clear about what you said inside your head.

Change the scene. Go outside. Switch rooms, Daydream another locale if it’s not practical to move. Get away from the thing that triggered the thought, even it it’s in your imagination of a better place/time.

Remember Maslow. Take care of the fundamentals. Drink water. Have a snack. Take a nap. If you’re body needs something, you’re going to be cranky. Trust me, your mood will improve if you’re not hangry.

Breathe. I hold my breath when I’m anxious. Some of that tension lifts when I practice pranayama.

Distract yourself. Read a book, watch a movie, work out, call a friend, do some prep cooking for a few days worth of meals, etc. etc.

And, maybe most importantly, simply sit with the feeling for awhile. Notice the bodily sensations associated with the thoughts. Is your chest tight? Shoulders hunched up? Butterflies in tummy? Words caught in your throat?

All thoughts and emotions will pass. Allowing yourself to feel and to accept the present as it is, in my experience, one of the fasted ways to move my mind back into loving the one I’m with: myself.

Filed Under: Wellness Tagged With: self care, self kindness, self love, tips, wellness

Cognitive behavioral therapy techniques for eating healthier

2020-05-12 by laura

I have often mentioned cognitive behavioral therapy (abbreviated to CBT). I realized that I haven’t yet actually detailed my favorite ones on Smart On Health.

I talk about CBT techniques so much because they really work to stop emotional eating or avoiding that work out. I am not a therapist. But, I’ve done a LOT of therapy. I have found CBT tools to be invaluable in helping me stick to healthy eating and exercise most days.

Book cover The Beck Diet SolutionI was using cognitive behavioral therapy tools quite successfully already when I ran across Judith Beck’s book, “The Beck diet solution” , which has become one of the things I love. Even if you already know some CBT techniques, Beck’s book provides many practices that you may not have heard about. I found many additional exercises in Beck’s book that I had never considered.

CBT can be simple, but not easy. My favorite ones are thought stopping, challenging beliefs, and re-framing. The three of them work together in a progression. You stop, challenge, then reconstruct what you’re thinking.

Thought stopping is what it sounds like. When you realize you’re having a troublesome thought you give yourself a cue to stop! Visualize a stop sign or something that communicates “halt” to you. Now you can unpack the chain of events that led you to the difficult spot. For example, my brain is my harshest critic. When it says, “holy #%^ what you just did was stupid” I say “stop” to myself quite emphatically. Then I picture a crossing guard holding up traffic.

Sometimes it isn’t easy to just stop. If you have a mood disorder your brain might ruminate. If that happens to you, you change the channel. Just like when you’re watching TV, there are repeats. When that happens, take a breath and think about something that makes you happy and relaxed. Narrate the scene to yourself in detail and imagine the physical sensations. I like to remember watching sunsets on the beach at my family’s summer cottage. Sometimes all I need is to see the sunset in my brain. Other times, I have to picture myself walking out the door, feeling how the sand feels under my feet as I take the path to the beach, and the smell of the pine and birch trees that leave dead needles on my route.

Challenging beliefs is also just what it says. When you say something nasty to yourself, you challenge that statement. Ask, is what I just said true? Usually it isn’t. Ask yourself, am I fortune telling? You might be projecting the future, thinking about a bad outcome.There are some tricks to figure out if a thought needs to be challenged. Words like “always,” “only,” “never” exaggerate reality. You probably don’t always or only or never do that thing.

Re-framing is the add-on to challenging your thoughts. Counter that negative outcome. When you’re fortune telling say to yourself, “nobody knows what is going to happen for sure.” Maybe you’re rehashing something that happened in the past. This is where you fight back with your brain and talk to yourself like you would talk to a loved one. Phrases like, “that may have happened but I learned from it and don’t do that anymore.” My favorite come back for those past regrets is, “it’s better this way.” Once I say that, I list all the good things that happened in my life that would not have occurred if I hadn’t lived through that event.

Re-framing beliefs is pretty much a “yeah but…” response where you talk about the situation positively instead of negatively. It is admittedly a bit pollyanna-ish to contradict the negative with a bright sunny positive. This is the hardest one of the three techniques IMHO. My biggest example of re-framing is how I managed my attitude when I got pushed out of a job I loved due to bullying. I felt defeated, worthless, and incredibly sad to lose the best job I’ve ever had. I had to take a job that involved a really long commute. Yeah, but I also got to work at a prior employer where I hadn’t quite vested in my retirement. I didn’t need much more time in that system to ensure thousands of dollars more in my retirement funds. I also got to start a brand new department, which was something I’d never done before. It’s true that sometimes a situation really sucks. It is possible to find the silver lining, however.

The three CBT techniques have an immediate positive impact on one’s mood. They allow you to pause and possibly avoid reaching for the comfort food or skipping the work out because you have taken the time to see the chain of events and statements in your brain that cause duress. They allow you to substitute another soothing practice or give yourself some positive motivation to change into those running shoes. Try it for yourself and see how it goes.

 

Filed Under: Wellness Tagged With: cognitive behavioral therapy, daily practice, self care, self kindness, self love, tips, wellness

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

2020-05-07 by laura

Maslow's Hierarchy of NeedsSometimes a smart person creates a model that resonates and creates a useful framework. Abraham Maslow, a psychology professor at Brandeis University, came up with a “hierarchy of needs” that models what humans need to survive and be fulfilled. It is a handy tool for thinking about wellness.

The hierarchy is a pyramid based on fundamental survival needs. We all need air, water, and food in that order to live. Once we have the basics covered, we can work our way up the pyramid to address our psychological and self-fulfillment needs.

This model informs my coaching practice. It also serves as a good reminder to put on one’s oxygen mask first. You may have heard about being hangry, just like those Snickers commercials. Obviously, it’s best to address the basics whenever one is feeling out-of-sorts. Dehydration is a tricky one, in my experience. It leads to mood drops just as readily as hunger does. Yet, it’s a bit trickier to tell if you’re dehydrated. There are subtle signs that you might experience before your mouth and throat feel parched.

Maslow’s model reminds us that a drink, a snack, and a nap can work wonders.

Filed Under: Wellness Tagged With: daily practice, self care, self kindness, self love, wellness

Things I love: soothing yourself without food

2020-04-09 by laura

The safer-at-home self-isolating physical distancing continues as the pandemic worsens. I’m seeing many of my friends post on social media that they find themselves eating more out of boredom, stress, etc. It’s understandable. I mentioned this when I talked about staying the course when staying home.  There are many different ways one can self-soothe if one wishes to avoid leaning towards disordered eating patterns.

My personal favorites are: journaling, exercising, talking to a friend, doing something with my hands (tidying, playing solitaire, coloring, etc.), and losing myself in a book or movie.

I like Susan Albers, “50 ways to soothe yourself without food” if you looking for ideas for things you can do instead of eating.

She puts techniques into categories: meditative, cognitive behavioral (hey! there’s my favorite thing again), sensation-based, distractions, and social.

I have had this book for years and it really inspired with some new-to-me ideas. I haven’t yet done them all since my stand-bys work well.

The future is uncertain. It always has been. The pandemic shatters our complacency and our self-illusion of consistency and predictability in life. We like to think we have control.

We can only control our actions and not our outcomes. That said, there is direct cause and effect with any action (I eat too much then my stomach hurts).

I think it’s ok to get through stress and challenge however you can. If that means stress eating then honor that and carry on. You might find that having other options, however, will provide you with more succor.

Stay at home and flatten the curve!

Filed Under: Food Tagged With: food, habits, health, self care, self kindness, self love, things I love

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Smart On Health covers all things wellness from the perspective of Laura J. Smart, a London, Ontario  based health coach and writer. You can read more about Smart On Health on the details page.

About Laura J. Smart

Head shot of Laura J. SmartLaura helps you with nutrition, fitness, culinary skills, and sustainable habit change at laurajsmart.health

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